Beware bears, pizza and monsters

Pretender to the throne


During Hurricane Irma, a sign language interpreter was faking his trade. Maybe he was just really horrible at signing or was actually terribly fearful of bears, pizza and monsters. We'd all cut him slack if he hadn't gone on television and spread a lot of balderdash to a lot of people who needed direction during the storm. Normally, I'm a huge fan of gibberish; I'd probably take piles of it and roll around on the bed in it if possible. However, hurricanes are usually serious business, and Aunt Irma wasn't just knocking on the door - she was pounding.

If there was a king of pretending, it'd be Jim Halpert donning Dwight Schrute's clothes and mimicking his mannerisms. Supposedly costing him less than $10, he's got the shirt, hair, glasses and look perfect. You've gotta revel in his alliteration, busting out the B's of "Bears, beets and Battlestar Galatica". Such tomfoolery is something I aspire to myself - there's a reason why I've accumulated canes, monocles, taxidermy and various scree over the years. At some point, I will disappear into the forest and return as Captain Jackalope, ready to dispatch gobbledygook to every good little girl and boy.

Maybe just maybe, inanity will save the world. Until then, we have beets.

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